This photo is a statement our times, unfortunately. We lost 600,000 jobs in January. Things are looking grim.

No matter where you work, there are always people who excel at their job. These people take dull jobs and insert creativity and enthusiasm into the most routine of tasks. It’s true if you work flipping burgers, designing jet engines, teaching first graders, or writing the most mundane advertising copy ever invented: spam.

Lately, I’ve been on the hit list for spam that promises to increase the size of my john thomas. (Maybe the Internet is trying to tell me something?) The old ad copywriter in me has been thrilled to see a new wave of spam creativity spewing forth from those who toil at the keyboards of the industry. It’s really getting exciting! Here are some examples of the email subject lines I have received:

• Are you sick because the size of your stick?
• Nobody will have the guts to contest with the man who is so blessed.
• Women are willing to take it and now you are able to offer it to them.
• Your boss has a little secret. Enlarge your own one!
• Bigger means better when you are talking about the thing in your pants
• Your shlong’ll be your trump
• The best and easiest way to improve your lovemaking is the improvement of your love instrument.
• If you want to be a real man – be him!
• It will be impossible not to notice all your abilities in bed.
• Are you on the edge of divorce? Try this little pill to save it.
• Any women will jump into the abyss for a man that wears a Submariner SS watch. (OK, this one is a little off topic, but it’s seriously creative. Jump into the abyss? Wow.)

Here’s my personal fave: Women will never sigh with disappointment when you take your pants off.

It really sets the scene. There you are, removing your pants: happy, hopeful, excited, perhaps a bit tipsy… and then she sadly sighs.

“Oh. I was expecting… it’s really not that… maybe we just need to… um, nevermind.”

Sigh.

So I salute you, Mr. Spam Subject Line Copywriter. You are going the extra mile in search of the new, the fresh, the original, the truly powerful subject line that will make me open your emails and take out my credit card and…

Well, I still ain’t gonna buy anything.

After all, there’s a reason my nickname is “Tripod.”

Now, honey, we’ve been saving this for years. Now that you’re 14, we thought you should have it.

Ever wonder about the guys who are serial sperm donors? Read this:
http://www.viceland.com/int/v15n10/htdocs/sperm-donor-46-kids-121.php

He has 46 kids, and more on the way.

“I surf the web, so you don’t have to.”

This doesn’t even list the benefits of alcoholism. Writing is a great career!

I’ve been a member of an online music discussion list for over a decade. Here is Postcard’s Best of 2007 list. The list is compiled from the top 10 new releases as submitted by list members every year. Here was my list:

Here they are.

1. Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
By far, my favorite album of ‘07. My whole family likes it, including my 4-year-old son. He knows the words.

2. Wilco - Sky Blue SKy
I ended up listening to it quite a bit. There are some clunkers, but that’s pretty much true with any Wilco record other than maybe YHF.

3. White Stripes – Icky Thump
I’m amazed at their consistently high-quality output. I loved “Get Behind Me Satan” although apparently the critics thought it was weak. This was another great album from Jack and Meg. One thing that I thought was interesting: they sounded a little less AC/DC and a little more Led Zepplin on this release.

4. Dr. Dog – We All Belong

5. LCD Soundsystem – Sound of Silver
I actually heard this album on NPR for the first time. This got played a lot this year.

6. The Shins – Wincing the Night Away
An early favorite this year.

7. You Am I – Convicts
It’s encouraging that there are bands still making great, raw music that is worth listening to.

8. Ted Leo & the Pharmacists – Living with the Living
His show here in Denver was fantastic, too.

9. Ryan Adams – Easy Tiger
This could just as easily have been Band Of Horses or The National. I listened to Ryan a bit more than those two, so he wins.

10. Babyshambles - Shotter’s Nation
God help me, I actually like this album.

- – - – -

Other very worthy contenders:

Band of Horses – Cease to Begin
The National – Boxer
Broken West – I Can’t Go On, I’ll Go On
Feist - Remainder

I also listened to the Fratellis quite a bit, but does this one count?

- – - – -

My most anticipated album of 2007, but ended up being a disappointment:

Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank

- – - – -

Good Lord, what the hell was this?

PJ Harvey – White Chalk

Check out this little widget:

I got it at Danasoft.

A few months ago, I got an e-mail from Wired Magazine, to which I subscribe. They asked me to send in a photo. If I was one of the first 5000, I’d get a copy of Wired featuring my own photo on the cover. I sent in a photo, and they told me, “Thanks. If we decide to use it, you’ll hear from us.”

I heard nothing and promptly forgot about it.

Today I received my copy of the July issue, and my picture is on the cover!

You can read about the whole deal in the NY Times.

Pretty cool. I should’ve sent in a better picture.

This is strange, but fun.

You know those weird distorted words that you have to type sometimes when you register for a web site? They’re called CAPTCHAs, and they prevent spam robots from registering on web sites.

Here’s a suggestion that takes the idea one step further: a CAPTCHA that requires a good understanding of grammar. This guy suggests that such a test should be required in order to use the Internet at all. Hit refresh (F5) on your browser to get new, fun grammar and spelling questions.

Darth Vader agrees.